To Mother

I am not an only child. I am one of the six children my parents have. All of my parent’s children are girls, including me. I use the phrase “including me”, because I am not like girls. My characteristics are more of a black sheep of the family type, always have been the outcast and seldom listened to my parents (not willingly of course). I have always been an extremely extrovert child. I liked to play outside, go places where we were not at allowed to go, gang up with the naughty boys of the locality. My parents were very worried. At that time, I never could tell that they were worried or just telling me to not to do those stuff because I was a girl. Now, I can tell how they would have felt when I refused to listen to them. They must have been very hurt. I am not sure that I still can tell the entire thing. I think I am going off topic again. Yesterday was the ‘Mother’s day’ in the UK. Every one was talking about it.

My colleagues were talking about their moms. I remembered my Mom too. I lost my Mom nearly 8 years ago. She was the most wonderful and talented woman I have ever met in my life. When I was young, my Mom used to hit me a lot to control me. I hated her for that. Maybe I hated her for a long time. I never understood why she hit me. I know now that if my child becomes 1% percent naughty as I was in my young age, I would have killed my child thousand times. My Mom used to teach us morality and humanity, how to be respectful to others, how to be a self-sufficient girl. At my young age, I was like always refusing to learn anything at all. Now, whenever I remember what my Mom said to me and my sisters, I have no shame to admit that all her saying are very educational and so very important in life.

My Mom taught me how to respect others and why to respect people. She used to say “If you don’t respect others, no one will respect you. If you don’t be kind to others, no one will be kind to you. You have to show sympathy and feel empathy to become a human. The world is too tough to be selfish. Show compassion, people will be compassionate to you.” My Mom was hell of a tough woman. In our society, taking care of a family of 8 members with 6 female children must have been so difficult. She did take awesome care of us. She taught us everything. She never went to school or I could say she never had any institutional education. Though she had given us the best education possible.

My father worked all day long. We only could meet my father either very late at night or in the weekends. We were afraid of him too. Still I am afraid of my father. Mom was the safest and most loving place for us. I was always depended on her almost for everything. Her intellect gave us the sense of living in this rough and tough world easily and freely. I am writing this today even though my understanding about the teachings of my Mom has developed in my mind very recently. As I have expressed earlier that I was and still am the black sheep of the family. Unconventional thinking and being a relentless being were my specialty. The people who are close to me can or definitely will vouch for that. My Mom must had been hurt many times by me. I still can’t imagine how much I have caused pain in her life. After loosing her forever, I realize I need her more than I would care to admit. Actually, I am surely admitting that I am nothing at all without my Mom.

Today I live my Mom inside of me. I know what she had tried to teach me all along. She always knew after her there will be no one with me. With my characteristics, my temper, attitude, my ego, my carelessness, never one person will cope up.

I miss my Mom the most. There is not a single moment pass by when I don’t want my Mom back in my life. Night before yesterday, I was too tired to eat anything. If my Mom was alive she would have been ready with the food all along and when I would have reached home and freshened up she would have fed me by her own hand. I want the time when she kept sleeping on her bed I would have gone to her and kissed her belly. When I am too tired or not feeling well, I want to go to sleep beside her and put my head on her hand. I want her fingers on my head brushing my hair. I want to smell her skin and find the most positive aura around her. I want to tell her that I love her the most in this world. Without her I am just barely living.

On this ‘Mother’s Day’, I really wish to tell her that I need her; want her back; am suffering a lot without her; my life owes everything to her. I love my Mom and I promise that I will keep her alive in me always and forever!

Published by Tahmina Mili

I am a dreamer. Always dream to have a new and beautiful life. I always try to live happily ever after. There are no bad vibes in me. To me, the world is the most beautiful and honest place to live in. "The bad is not bad until we make it bad" and "Smile is the beauty of life", are two of my most favorite sentences of all time. I live believing in them. I am proud to be me and love being me all the time.

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