HE SAID!

I was here standing still to rationalize what just happened.
I was here seeing the car started to run too far.
I was here looking at the uncertain road ahead.
I was here standing still and he said, “No more than you deserve!”

I deserved to be not judged.
I deserved to be not looked down.
I deserved to be not having the mouthful from others.
I deserved to be not sledged because of him.
What I really deserve was nothing.

He said as well, “You deserve the punishment, not nothing.”
I shut every door and every window, every possible way of air and light coming to me.
I shut myself into the darkness.
I buried myself with all the sorrows I should get.
I just never could deal with what he said at the end.
I was just here listening to those words.

Those very words freed me from the misery.
Those words let me leave the life of a lie.
Those words changed my thoughts.
He said, he finally said, “I could love you, but never could fall in love with you.”
He said and I applauded inside.
I resembled his words and laughed with pain.
The pain was never for what he said, it was always for why I couldn’t say that.
Why my suffering before his words were more and now it’s lesser?
Why his loving words were falling apart with the joy in my body?
What I deserved what I got was always what I wanted.
He said everything what was needed to be said.
He said for himself, but helped me instead.