I was here standing still to rationalize what just happened.
I was here seeing the car started to run too far.
I was here looking at the uncertain road ahead.
I was here standing still and he said, “No more than you deserve!”

I deserved to be not judged.
I deserved to be not looked down.
I deserved to be not having the mouthful from others.
I deserved to be not sledged because of him.
What I really deserve was nothing.

He said as well, “You deserve the punishment, not nothing.”
I shut every door and every window, every possible way of air and light coming to me.
I shut myself into the darkness.
I buried myself with all the sorrows I should get.
I just never could deal with what he said at the end.
I was just here listening to those words.

Those very words freed me from the misery.
Those words let me leave the life of a lie.
Those words changed my thoughts.
He said, he finally said, “I could love you, but never could fall in love with you.”
He said and I applauded inside.
I resembled his words and laughed with pain.
The pain was never for what he said, it was always for why I couldn’t say that.
Why my suffering before his words were more and now it’s lesser?
Why his loving words were falling apart with the joy in my body?
What I deserved what I got was always what I wanted.
He said everything what was needed to be said.
He said for himself, but helped me instead.

Published by Tahmina Mili

I am a dreamer. Always dream to have a new and beautiful life. I always try to live happily ever after. There are no bad vibes in me. To me, the world is the most beautiful and honest place to live in. "The bad is not bad until we make it bad" and "Smile is the beauty of life", are two of my most favorite sentences of all time. I live believing in them. I am proud to be me and love being me all the time.

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